For you, I Wish an Understanding of Anger
Have I told you I lost another loved one? She has been stolen like most of the others by an illness that sneaks into our lives, alters our perceptions, fills us with mistrust and suspicion. We think no one sees it, but we are fooled; you cannot hide it’s grand presence. We catch this illness as we catch most illnesses, our defenses are down, our immunities weak, and we are exposed to hazardous elements of our environment. This illness I speak of I call, “Anger.” I know anger as most of us do, she has blinded me many times, hindered my creativity, impeded my love…I contemplated anger, sat in thought with this force that rules so much of the living world. Lost for answers, I called on Anger herself to sit with me. She came willingly, much smaller in size than I expected and almost frail in appearance. She sat directly across from me staring through me. Her intimidation reached for my soul. My heart pounded, my palms sweated. It is hard to confront anger, it takes courage and risk but I was determined. I spoke, “Anger, why, why do you come into our lives and rob us of ourselves?” She stared and stared offering no answers as if unaware of her tremendous devastation. I had come this far, she would not scare me away this time. So I stared back. Surprisingly, I saw a tear swell up in her eye. I did not move, but repeated myself, “why anger, why do you come into our lives and rob us of ourselves?” Now the tears flowed and the faster they came the more lost I felt as to how to respond to this force. I spoke slowly, more frightened than I have ever been in my life, “Anger, I love you.” With that she broke, she wept and wept with her own need to be understood, not feared, her own need for respect. Her vulnerability moved me from my chair and as I embraced her. She remained still in my arms. It will take more love than this to gain her trust. She left quietly and as I watched her go I knew I would see her again. I will see her in myself and most of those I love. She will visit more often with some, and more intensely with others. But I learned something from her today. If I embrace her with love and dignity, allow her the time she needs, she will leave with fewer scars and little destruction. I wish this for you today, my loved one, I wish for you to understand your anger, hold her, love her and then let her go in peace.
